He looks like a mobster, so the twist works well. Angie is a likable character, but her motivation to help Jacob is not well understood. Jacob's mother (give her a name) doesn't seem coherent as a character. On the one hand, she claims that she cares for Jacob and that her actions were motivated by a desire to protect him, but she is curt and uninterested when Jacob calls. However, she tells Angie that she is sorry for her behavior (around page 65), but when Jacob calls her again, she still acts a little hostile. He's a character that needs more development and coherence. Dialogue has strengths and weaknesses. Some characters have a more distinctive voice like Big Al and Sly. Jacob's voice isn't as distinctive. Avoid superficial dialogue such as, on page 88, "What are you going to do?" In films like this, the hero normally has a sharp, sardonic and witty voice. Take it out to Jacob. Also, be careful about telling or explaining information rather than showing it. This occurs when a character is described. For example with Jacob, "He wishes for the reaper to put him out of his misery..." Remember, this is information that cannot be