All I remember about my tenth birthday is how excited I was to get the very Barbie doll I wanted from my beautiful older sister Maggie. She had just gone to college and everything we shared was automatically the most precious thing I owned. That Barbie doll with the golden hair and tinsel-decorated clothes became my obsession. For days I would come home after school and lock myself in my room until my mother forced me to come and have dinner with the family. My father always tried to occupy me with questions about my school day. “Maxine, I hear you're learning about the anatomy of the brain in science…” his words flowed steadily in their husky tone. They made the effort to talk to them. me, but it didn't matter. The Barbie doll was always on my mind: her plump lips, perfectly shaped curves and skinny thighs made me think about how imperfect I was and how much I admired her figure. “Maxine, I'm talking to you. Where's your head at lately, darling? Is there anything you'd like to talk about?" He practically replied with a worried tone. My response was as far away as my mind as I imagined myself weightless in space, floating among the stars. “I'm just exhausted from everything I I learned today. Can I be excused?” "Yes, you can." Mother intervened with pure paternal concern. “Honey, you barely touched the food.” potatoes mixed with peas and a few pieces of meat that I had been digging into for a while. "I'm really devastated... I don't have much of an appetite tonight." “But, Maxi, it's your favorite, honey…meatloaf and mashed potatoes with the skin mixed in. Do you have a fever?” He reached out to feel my forehead... in the center of the paper... and I finally knelt in front of the toilet. That's when my plan went completely wrong week I didn't know what I would do then, but I wouldn't worry about it until the problem of her presence came. Then she came home made its presence known before I could continue with my rituals. It was surreal to wake up this morning on my second anniversary of being admitted to the psychiatric ward, in the wing specializing in eating disorders. Who would have thought the gift of flowing, plastic hair and perfect proportions could drive a girl to oblivion? I just wanted to be her. Now I have to find out who I am and appreciate that person, otherwise I'll never leave this place.