I would like to state the most obvious observation I have made regarding spiritual formation; that is, I will always need to look for ways to cultivate my personal spirituality throughout my life. I know for most people this may seem like a "duh" statement, but for me it has truly become a reality and one I have to admit I've struggled to embrace. I grew up in a church that, like most traditional churches, lived happily in the “comfort zone” of its Christianity. They took everything the Bible said at face value without digging to find out why they believed what they believed. I had never been challenged to delve into the text. For the past few years I have felt the need to dig a tunnel out of this cave of what I feel is best labeled “Christian ignorance.” In the process, though, I had to deal with letting go of the things that gave me comfort and provided what I thought was necessary to have a close relationship with God. Some of these things were tangible. Most don't. The least tangible things actually became the hardest to let go of. The biggest thing I've dealt with and still struggle with right now is finding my self-worth. Some might even call it self-confidence. I feel like I have had a tendency to mistake God's love for me as traveling primarily through vessels, i.e. other people in the body of Christ. Too often I can look back at my past and see the places where I felt most distant from God and connect them to instances where I had torn relationships with past friends in the church. Throughout this struggle, however, I continued to feel the presence of God, through the Holy Spirit, comforting me and guiding me in this spi...... middle of paper ...... now he could see that I was not even taking time to keep myself full, let alone have enough to pour out onto others. Origen of Alexandria, a theologian and mystic who wrote in the third century, articulated a vision of the resurrected life so radical and all-encompassing that Christians who took it seriously were forced to reexamine their entire relationship with the society in which they lived. I really want to live such a life. This semester has proven to be a true awakening to the direction I need to pursue in my spiritual journey. I learned so much through this course. Some of the things I learned have become more important than they were in the past; the need for silence, the need for community, the need for direction, and most of all, how utterly helpless we are when we try to “do” everything, including ministry without first seeking God.